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lyrics

quite a long time in the grocery store
I can’ t just buy anything, I must have control
I’m examining every product, every label
every viand, every tag, every nutrition table

I’m comparing the low-calorie food
for half an hour, it seems I am glued
to this shelves, I’m not able to take
just the things I would like..

when I’m arriving at the cash desk
relief is spreading cause my bag seems so light
I’m proud of myself and I’m sure with this determination
my body turns slight in a short while

and now I’m writing down the calories
I’m counting all these numbers, I consume
everything I ate , everything i drank
yet again the summation already ends

I have one companion
it’s this voice - in my head -it is telling me - that I’m wrong, it is never content

and all I’m thinking about
will I exercise – or will I not – will I eat – no I won’t, cause the voice is

too loud and it’s shouting at me
“you’re a disgrace!”, I can’t look at myself
wherever I am, I feel out of place

no matter - where I am,
alone or with my friends
I feel out of place

the one and only thing that matters
is the number on the scales
and with every pound I’m losing
I’m getting closer to my self

I’m coming closer to my goal
I’m losing weight and I will show
myself and everybody else
that I will make it in the end
I’m afraid of the mirror
I can’t look at myself
And I feel ashamed of my body
I’m a disgrace to myself

I am struggling with pain, the emptiness
in my stomach is driving me insane
and again I was weak, so I have to repeat
I am raising my fingers and sticking them into my

The first time in my life
I had full control
I was the one to decide

(finally) I had success with something
I have control bout everything
I am the one who

credits

from do stories shape our reality, or does reality define our stories?, track released May 20, 2022

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clutch at straws Vienna, Austria

emotional screamo/hc from austria

upcoming shows:

02.04. - Arena Dreiraum /w Karina Kvist, Oakhands

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